I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
