I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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