Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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