My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's shark week go big or go home
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
