I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
