dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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