dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
