I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
