Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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