do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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