You're my little dorito
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
