Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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