I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
