She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
