new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
