He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
