So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
