My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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