So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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