I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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