Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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