i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My cat gives me a boner
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
