this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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