Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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