Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
