More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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