a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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