that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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