margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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