I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
