The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
