I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
