This girl is more easily done than said...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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