why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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