forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
