I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
