but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
well you can't waste a boner
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
