Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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