do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
