take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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