So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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