Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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