I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My nipple is on Facebook.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
