Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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