So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
