You really coming over, don't trick.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
