I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
