DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
