I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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