If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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