So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
