Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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