I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
