ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
cat food counts as protein by the way
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
