Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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