It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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