I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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