I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
