i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
