So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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