You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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