I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
