NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
