I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
