I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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