so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
