I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
