I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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