I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
