Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
