This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
